Yesterday, after getting less than 2 hours of sleep the night before, I was trying to get to the airport by train. It would cost about 5 or $8 I can never remember which, but by far it would be cheaper than any other method. Of course the moment I ran up to the platform was the exact time the train was pulling out of the station. I could wait for next train 30 minutes later for a 25 minute ride but the would have left me 15 minutes for check-in and security. Not much wiggle room. So I took a cab to the airport for $30.
I checked in by 9:02am and realized that even though I had gone to the wrong terminal, there would be time for 2 cigarettes before I took the stroll over to the International Terminal A. Why someone scheduled a domestic flight from an international terminal I don't know, but then I don't work there.
By 9:20, I figured it was time to go through security and start my trek for a 9:40 flight. Plenty of time right? So by 9:35 I'm huffing down through a series of moving walk-way things with my bag on my back wondering why it had become so heavy all of a sudden and which vindictive and sadistic bastard had designed Philadelphia International, and was it just so they could see reasonably healthy people keel over from exhaustion or heart failure.
Well there was no one left at the gate as I ran to the plane door and I handed over the boarding pass to a woman standing there. Crossed over a stewardess making herself comfortable on the jump seat already. Slam, the door shuts to the fuselage and it was time to find my seat so the plane could start to taxi. And I'm started to think this was not the first time that this had happened to me. In fact it's not the second or even the fifth time. In fact it happens to me all the time and I started to think that maybe it might be time for self-investigation. I was and am constantly late for everything that is important to me and I didn't think I could keep blaming it on everyone else and not take any responsibility for it myself.
It's like I deliberately find ways to to make things more complicated or difficult for myself just so I can come out and say...well I don't know. That's why today I'm wondering if perhaps I may need some kind of professional help so that I can understand myself and figure out what it is that I seem to be doing. Why do I sabotage myself in the most silliest of ways? Am I crazy?
I would make an appointment for myself with someone, but I think I would probably show up late for that too and I wouldn't want some stranger deciding I was nuts just because I was late.