Just some thoughts and ideas going around in my head while trying to figure out where I am and where everyone else is going.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Checks & Balances

A friend of mine at work sent me the following email. It’s about the government stimulus rebate check that will be sent out to tax payers in order to jump start the economy.

The order in which the IRS sends out payments will be based on Social Security numbers. If your return is processed by April 15, here's what you can expect.
Direct deposit payment
If last 2 digits of your SS# are: Your rebate should be sent by:
00-20 May 2
21-75 May 9
76-99 May 16
Paper check
If last 2 digits of your SS# are: Your rebate should be sent by:
00-09 May 16
10-18 May 23
19-25 May 30
26-38 June 6
39-51 June 13
52-63 June 20
64-75 June 27
76-87 July 4
88-99 July 11


Up until now I had not really thought about what I would do with the check once I received it. One idea I had was to continue what my father used to do with his extra cash and send it on to my cousin in New York, He’s a guest of the state there and won’t have access to creating a decent life for himself for a hell of a long time; life in fact.

Another idea, the practical one was to pay off a bill or set it aside to pay upcoming bills like my gym membership or cell phone bills. I should do something an adult would do, something dull, something dreary. But I know I won’t.

The third idea is to get an iTouch media player to replace my iPod. I can get one for $599 and if I went to Delaware I would pay no sales tax and walk away with a dollar that I can use to buy a soda or play the lottery. Can you imagine if I won the lottery on a dollar tax rebate, it would be like the gift that didn’t stop giving. I would be so excited that I would probably nutt, ejaculate automatically right there on the spot. I would be so grateful I would have to join the Republican Party and start supporting the war. I would get so crazy, I would have to run down the street and holler that Bush should be made a saint. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

What I’m actually thinking about now is that I can really help the economy by buying shares of Bear Stearns. As everyone knows, the share price for that venerable company went from over $90/share less than 2 months ago to $2/share yesterday and there is an offer for JP Morgan Chase to buy them out, although I believe it went up to $5 today. Of course it’s always risky to get into something that is a reflection of the failed policies of both the Federal Reserve and the government, but how much lower can the price get? And anyway, it’s only $600. Even if I lost every cent, no one is going to have to worry about me jumping off of some building in downtown Manhattan. There are other things that would keep me much closer to home.

Oh I know, if I’m going to throw the money away, I can go back to Morimoto. It’s a restaurant in Philly that is owned by Stephen Starr and the Iron Chef of cable fame. I had dinner there once last year. I was with a friend, Curtis. I’m always dragging him out some place, one day he’ll turn on me. Anyway, so I ordered a bowl of soup and sushi and he got a basket of cold noodles that you had to pour a sauce over it to add flavor. We also ordered a bamboo shoot of Saki to wash the stuff down. Yes I said bamboo shoot; I guess having it come out in a bottle would have been just too Western.

I think with the tip, the whole thing came up to $180. That was $90 for a bowl of soup, 4 pieces of sushi and something to drink that reminded me of my own stomach juices. Crazy.

I still wake up in the middle of the night with night sweats thinking about that dinner. It’s a memory that still lives with me. Hmm, now there’s a thought, I can stimulate the economy and have a lifetime of nightmares. Money well spent I think.


  1. If you hit the lotto off that one dollar I won't even begrudge your new republican status. This was funny as all sin to me!

  2. You so funny. "If I went to Delaware I would pay no sales tax and walk away with a dollar that I can use to buy a soda or play the lottery." Please don't nutt on yourself. It ain't cute nor is it socially acceptable.
    I got the same email and I want my check now, damn it! I am in the last part of that damn list and I just know they are gonna change their mines by the time they get to me. LOL. I think you should send half of it to your cousin in New York and blow the rest. I'm spending mind on a penis reduction. The damn thing gets in the way. I figure if I cut it down a few inches it will be more managable, but maybe that is too much information. Anyway, if you by an itouch, which you probably don't need, I am first in line for your ipod. I ain't same.

  3. Ingrid - You know that I would have to become a republican, cause rich people are Republicans. Of course super-rich people stay Democrats.
    One Man - Don't worry, the days of me nutting just by me thinking about it have long passed. I may miss those days sometimes, but I'm working on improving the technique right now.

    BTW, if you are getting a penis reduction for $600, make sure they wipe the axe clean before they use it on you. There would be nothing worse than getting an infection down there because of lack of funds.

  4. I am also in the last part of that list. I agree with One Man. Spend half of it on something responsible and then the other half on something out of this world. Hell...its free money!

  5. NIte - I see your point, but I'm not sure I can get something out of this world for $300. With what happened to the gov of NY, I realize I couldn't even get a decent hooker, man or woman for that amount. Oh decisions, decisions.

  6. Halepful info, thanks. I plan to use the money to help pay for my next plane ticket back to my new favorite vacation spot Santo Domingo.

  7. Ahhh... good ole Morimoto. I think they close down because I walked past there not too long ago and the front of the building was being worked on. Serves them right for ripping us off. "That'll learn 'em."

  8. Whozhe - Thanks, just doing my civic duty. I'm glad you know what you're doing with your money, and after seeing your blog I see why.
    Chacoyrami - Say it isn't so. Well you know Philly has a reputation for being downmarket anyway. If you are charging an arm and a leg and not giving out value, coupons or even green stamps, people will stay away.

  9. It appears that you have thought this Rebate Check (Stimulus)thing all the way through in fact you even know the day to expect the check or direct deposit.

    I think most of us have entertained the thought of just how we would spend such monies, in fact my friend Debbie and I talk about almost each evening when we are of the phone, she plans on buying a piece of furniture, I will be paying Visa because I continue to use it like cash and carrying a balance.

    You have a cousin that is a guest of the State of: New York? We all have that one relative or friend that is being hosted by the State, yes a small portion of our rebate checks should be sent to them.

    No more blowing monies at that overpriced eatery, never every on sushi!

    Whatever you choose to do with the monies I am certain it will be a good choice.

  10. All-Mi-T - You must be one of those super-rich citizens if you don't know if money is coming your way. That's alright though, just think of it like people used to think about "Gu'erment Cheese" in the '80's, it's always there if you need it.
    Chet - I wish I could say I will do something worthwhile with the rebate check. But I don't remember what I did with the last one that cousin George sent me and I don't want to do something stupid again.

  11. I won't be getting nothing, but I hope black people would spend it wisely.

  12. Captain - I just hope that the benefits that people will get will be worth all the fuss and at least meet some of their expectations.


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