CP Time is a birthright afforded to me by my ethnic inheritance. It’s something that I nourish and cultivate from time to time and hold sacred, especially when I can’t find any other excuse to explain my tardiness. I know that I am not alone in this behavior because when people come in 15 to 20 minutes late to those Barber/Beauty Shop plays, or the He Did Her Wrong shows at the theatre, I realize that I am surrounded by my beautiful brothers and sisters who like me, have no concept of Eastern Standard when it comes to certain things.
The other day I arrived in Philly. I had walked up the Speedline steps and was on my way to wherever I was going and I noticed my breath. I wasn’t huffing and puffing, but I noted the rhythm of how I breathed, deeply and long. I breathed as if I was trying to catch my breath. I felt uncomfortable but I did not need to slow down; people often tell me that I walk fast. There was no need for me to pull over to side, clutch my chest and exclaim “ooh chile,” like I’ve seen elderly ladies do after they have exerted themselves. But this was something that I had become aware of happening to me more and more. I will admit, the days of me waking up in the morning and running 4 or 5 miles a day before work is long behind me, but breath control has never been an issue until now. Of course in those days, I would smoke about 2 or 3 cigarettes a day. Now I do about a pack every 2 or 3 days, or a pack a day if I’m out drinking where they still allow you to smoke. So that is my first resolution.
Since I intend to have more beautiful oxygen filling my lungs repairing cell tissue promoting muscle growth and things, I thought that perhaps this year I could get rid of that jiggle. I’m not complaining about how I look, but I have an ego like a lot of people. Also, I am tired of how listening to people say how good I look for someone of my age. My age, what the hell does that mean anyway? I look ugly and decrepit but since I’m close to collecting social security you’ll give me a pass? No sir. Not interested in hearing that any more. So this year, I’m going for that 6-pack. I’m going for that stomach that people can wash their clothes on. For once in my life I want people look at me and just say “damn” and leave it that. I want to be seen as attractive before I’m old enough to start getting the scope up my behind by a doctor with whom I’m not that close.
I don’t usually do resolutions. First I think it’s kind of silly and childish to pledge to do something that you want to do anyway but only at a certain time and date. And second, for me they have never lasted more than the second week of January. Looks like I’m ahead already.
So there you have it, 2 resolutions. And with that, in case I didn’t do it before, I would like to wish everyone a Happy New Year, better late than never.