I was lying in bed last night sort of minding my own business when quicker than you could sing a rousing chorus of “chestnuts roasting on an open fire,” I suddenly realized, my nuts were aflame. Let me explain.
Last night was one of those nights where I couldn’t fall asleep. Earlier I had taken a nap in front of the TV and had woken up just in time to see the ending credits of Nightline. If I had just gotten up and went straight to bed I might have been able to fall back to sleep right away. Instead, I watched TV for about 20 minutes they were doing some story on looking for a Turkish fleet that was sunk by the Spanish in the 16th century on PBS, the regular stuff on cable and the talk shows on the networks. There was really no reason that I should stay up any longer so I went to bed.
I knew that I wasn’t tired, I was too alert, but if I didn’t fall asleep soon I also knew that I would suffer for it the next day. I thought about visiting Mary Palmer for some relief. Do the five finger shuffle. Choke the chicken or spank the monkey. Funny, I’ve never known anyone to have used those phrases except in the
movies, but masturbation didn’t really seem like it would help anyway.
I decided to lie in bed and surf the web instead. Look up shit that I wasn’t really interested in, porn I guess. I downloaded stuff from iTunes, read blogs and made comments or replied to those comments that needed replies. But after about an hour, I was seized by this searing pain in between my legs. I reached down under the comforter, blanket and sheet only to feel this great heat surrounded my privates. It was a heat so great that you would have believed someone had set the iron to cotton and slapped it on my genitalia for 10 minutes without even having the decency of at least allowing the steam function to work. My laptop was burning my unborn spawn.
Now like everyone, I know that computers generate a certain amount of heat, but isn’t the whole reason for calling a laptop a laptop the idea that you can rest it on your lap without jeopardizing yourself or your future children? So I have a question, I don’t usually ask anyone anything, but my computer is 4 years old this September. Does it threaten one of the few pleasures in life that I don’t have to pay for because it’s old or will getting a new computer not make any difference to my level of discomfort?
Anyone who has an answer please, feel free to help me out.
Last night was one of those nights where I couldn’t fall asleep. Earlier I had taken a nap in front of the TV and had woken up just in time to see the ending credits of Nightline. If I had just gotten up and went straight to bed I might have been able to fall back to sleep right away. Instead, I watched TV for about 20 minutes they were doing some story on looking for a Turkish fleet that was sunk by the Spanish in the 16th century on PBS, the regular stuff on cable and the talk shows on the networks. There was really no reason that I should stay up any longer so I went to bed.
I knew that I wasn’t tired, I was too alert, but if I didn’t fall asleep soon I also knew that I would suffer for it the next day. I thought about visiting Mary Palmer for some relief. Do the five finger shuffle. Choke the chicken or spank the monkey. Funny, I’ve never known anyone to have used those phrases except in the
movies, but masturbation didn’t really seem like it would help anyway.I decided to lie in bed and surf the web instead. Look up shit that I wasn’t really interested in, porn I guess. I downloaded stuff from iTunes, read blogs and made comments or replied to those comments that needed replies. But after about an hour, I was seized by this searing pain in between my legs. I reached down under the comforter, blanket and sheet only to feel this great heat surrounded my privates. It was a heat so great that you would have believed someone had set the iron to cotton and slapped it on my genitalia for 10 minutes without even having the decency of at least allowing the steam function to work. My laptop was burning my unborn spawn.
Now like everyone, I know that computers generate a certain amount of heat, but isn’t the whole reason for calling a laptop a laptop the idea that you can rest it on your lap without jeopardizing yourself or your future children? So I have a question, I don’t usually ask anyone anything, but my computer is 4 years old this September. Does it threaten one of the few pleasures in life that I don’t have to pay for because it’s old or will getting a new computer not make any difference to my level of discomfort?
Anyone who has an answer please, feel free to help me out.
I don't have an answer for this - but I do know that after a few years you'd need to have the fan and cooling system on the laptop looked at. It could be that your computer is in need for um, a checkup? Maybe.
ReplyDeleteI bought one of those little laptop pillows that they sell at the computer store. If not, my lap getrs warm also.
ReplyDeleteMy nuts have never been "a fire"...but then again...I ain't got no nuts, honey.
ReplyDeleteHowever, other parts have been affected if you get my drift.
I generally put my laptop on one of the 7 pillows I have conforting me (in my time of single-ness)
I doubt it's just your laptop...but then again...maybe it is just yours :-)
Did I help any?
Darius, You are probably right, but I do hear the fan come on and feel hot air blow out the vent. But it's never been cleaned before. It probably stores heat just because of all the dust locked inside.
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Curio, A pillow sounds like a good idea and probably a lot cheaper than than the new Mac laptop that looks like 2 sheets of paper stuck together that I'm thinking about.
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BBB, Yes you did help. I know now that I'm not the only who without protection would be reaching for first aid ointment. So I guess you're saying that getting a new laptop isn't really going to help.
...I mean...damn...an Airbook could always be better...but I'm thinking it's all gonna give off some sort of heat...maybe not nut burning heat...but heat all the same.
ReplyDeleteThey should put a warning on laptops...it's like smoking in bed, so to speak.
Blah Blah Blah - Now you tell me. Smoking in bed. Damn that would have been a perfect title.
ReplyDeleteIt's probably time for a new computer. But then you probably know that. :)
ReplyDeletePeace,
Michele
Michele, You know I want to argue with you. I'm trying decrease my carbon footprint and you're telling me to just remain part of the disposable community and toss my old stuff away for new stuff. And you also know that I'm looking for an excuse to get a new one. And then there are sales coming up this weekend. Too much temptation...am... getting... weak..
ReplyDeleteHey, you. Don’t be coming over to my site causing drama, damn it! I don’t spit in you kool-aid so why you wanna pee in my soup? No, just kidding, sir. You know you are always welcome. Your opinion is valid and appreciated. I just wanted to make that known.
ReplyDeleteI don’t even own an Ipod. Am I the only one. I do have a cheap little MP3 with about, what, 10 or so song on it. Is that lame? Most of mine are of Whitney and Aretha. They are the ladies that do it for me. Everything else is just a nut. Whatever the hell that means.
OMO - Whitney and Aretha? And I thought I was out of date. You need to step up into the 90's brotha. And everyone else is just a nut - what kind of music are you listening to? And where can I get a copy?
ReplyDeleteHey Curious,
ReplyDeleteAbout that computer thing. Maybe you don't need a new one. I've been battling some of the same thoughts myself about a new laptop. But do I really need one? Will it help me be a better mom? Servant? Friend? Hmmm...just questions I ask myself, I guess. Also, I feel like I want to have a good chunk of my time where I can engage in the REAL world as opposed to the virtual one, which often tempts us to devote excessive to it. Know what I mean?Just some thoughts I'm having.
Peace,
Michele
Michele - I don't know about becoming a better person because of a new computer, but you ought to know about boys and there toys. If there is something out there that is better electronically or mechanically, a man will just start to salivate just thinking about it. I'm not saying that it's right or wrong or even that most of us will give in to temptation, but it is the nature of the beast and right now I'm looking for a reason to let it loose right now.
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