Reality TV that you can't find in the States

Did you know that CBS was still fighting the fine that they were charged with by the FCC for showing Janet Jackson's titty during the Superbowl?

I am always amazed by the amount of things that people can put on TV in other countries that would bring about the destruction of civilization in the US as well as the wrath of God if the same things were shown here. I long for the day when people can be a little less puritanical here and perhaps a little more accepting of the way people really are.

Also, I'm always surprised by the amount of artists who will not even do a TV commercial in America because they believe it may demean their careers but will at the slip of a hat shake it all loose and show daddy's little dividend just because they have crossed the borders.

Take Sisqo for example on Britain's Big Brother. Can you really see him doing that here? Would you like to see him do that here?

Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire

I’ve been told that all I ever think about is sex; I always make a reference to sex either verbally or literally, and that is so untrue. I’ve never spoken about sex when writing about catastrophes like earthquakes or when planes fall from the sky. Speaking of which just let me get this straight, the Christmas Day Bomber 23-year-old Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab was carrying an explosive device in his underwear when it went off and instead of it exploding, it just burst into flame. Like Jerry Lee Lewis used to sing, “Goodness gracious great balls of fire.”

Now I think that if there was a cause that I believed in strongly enough, there wouldn’t be anything that I wouldn’t do to fight for that cause. But I would have to think long and hard to find a good enough reason to roast my own chestnuts and even then I’m not sure that I would come up with anything. I mean the boy was 23 so he must have thought that what he was carrying wouldn’t have been that big enough to completely obliterate him. But then I’ve never really understood that kind of behavior, here of there, now or before.

Speaking of nuts, I’ve heard that because of what happened on Christmas, many airports in the US and around the world intend on getting those whole body image machines that can take pictures of the body exposing anything or everything that maybe concealed below a passenger’s clothing. I know now that I will never get a Prince Albert even though I had been thinking about it. It will be bad enough that strangers will be able to see my Little Dorrit without me having a say so in the matter, but they would also be able to judge me and come to whatever conclusion they will have about me simply by staring at my choice of jewelry. And God forbid that I should ever become famous, that picture would be emailed over the net and TMZ before I would have even found my seat on the aircraft.

I remember back when I was child, we had to be well dressed to get on a plane. I had to wear a suit and a tie when I was 10 and travelling with my mother so that I wouldn’t shame her. Nowadays all of that has changed. We will be forced into a state virtual nudity by people making $3 over minimum wage who will map every mole and blemish on our bodies only to discover we will still get onto planes that fall from the sky for no apparent reason.

Heh-Heh

It’s Valentine’s Day so in order for me to enjoy the rest of the day’s festivities, let me get something off of my chest. No, don’t get funny, that’s not my chest that you’re looking at but it is more interesting than mine at the moment. I seem to sag in all the wrong places right now and I’m not sure if it’s because of age or because I drink about 4 or 5 cans of coke a day and I inhale baked goods without end. I don’t seem to be able to stop. Addiction, it’s a terrible thing to have and makes you do terrible things like drift the way that I’m drifting away from my point now. What I really want to say is I don’t like Heh- Heh. In fact I can’t stand Heh-Heh. If there is one thing in this world that I won’t be able tolerate any more for the rest of the year, it’s Heh-Heh. What is Heh-Heh you ask?

Heh-Heh is thing you hear when you are standing in the express line at the supermarket with your 10 items or less and the person in front of you turns and faces you and you realize they have about 6 months worth of groceries in their basket. Then they will say “Heh-Heh” and turn back around trying not to look guilty.

Heh-Heh is when in a club or bar some big fat drunken bastard has stepped on your foot and crushed a couple of bones that you never took notice of before or has spilled cheap alcohol on your expensive shirt and all he can say is “‘scuse me! Heh-Heh.”

Heh-Heh is the excuse you hear when you’ve just come off the gym floor and all you want to do is rip off your sweaty stinky jock strap off in peace. Meanwhile there is some bozo that has decided to ignore the rows upon rows of free and open lockers against the wall and decided to change his clothes at the locker next to yours. “It’s funny how these things seem to turn out this way. It’s like Murphy’s Law, Heh-Heh,” he will say. I will just grunt and grimace as we both try to do some sort of awkward semi-naked tango over the same spot of smelly rug.

Speaking of being naked, I had just taken a shower at the gym about 3 months ago and I was putting on lotion in front of one of the mirrors. I had dropped the towel and doing legs and behind when the senior senator for Pennsylvania decided to introduce himself to me. Now I’ve been going to that gym for at least 12 maybe 14 years and he’s never introduced himself to me before. I’ve seen the governor naked a couple times and a few other notables including the senator undressed so I know being nude in and of itself doesn’t really cast aspersions. And I don’t mean to do that here. But as the senator is talking to me, he’s staring at the nipple ring, my dick is swinging in the open breeze and I’m starting to feel uncomfortable.

Suddenly I see a break in the conversation where I think I can take over and guide it to where I want it to go, which was to an end. I really wanted to tell him was that he was creeping me out and that I had no interest in becoming one of his lackey troll boys who hang around him looking for crumbs and a leg up in politics and or power like I’ve seen others do. But instead I said, “I live in New Jersey, so I can’t vote for you senator, Heh-Heh.”

Oh, and happy St. Valentine’s Day.

One ring or Two?

Arguably the most famous pierced titty in America, maybe even the world, belongs to Janet Jackson. I never saw the big reveal when it was first done on whatever Superbowl she chose to do it on, but I did see the still photos of the event and I loved her for hit, looking all ripe and squeezable. She had the guts to tell the world that "this is mine and see how I glorify it." That is until the next day when she started to hem and haw and do a little back step about clothing and malfunctions and things. But I was still thrilled.

I don't know when it first started but I have always been enthralled by nipple piercings. Men or women, either one has turned me on numerous occasions. The right piercing on a nice titty, and I immediately want to see how that feels or tastes. My tongue is yours. I remember I was in Malibu at the SGL July 4th event they have there when I noticed these 2 girls lying on the beach. Now I don't remember if they were both topless, but I noticed the Asian one was and she was lying backwards propped up on both of her elbows and she had both of her nipples on perfect breasts pierced looking all pinky and perky and inviting. I'm sure should would not have appreciated any attraction from a man that day, but during some lonely nights I still think of her to help me along.

Of course having a piercing is not for everyone, this is where you'll read about my bigotry, if you don't have a body that is attractive to me, then no matter what kind of body decoration you do, I wont be attracted. If you are too fat or too skinny or too frail looking, then perhaps a nice dress shirt might better suit you.

I am not saying that I have or even had a perfect body myself, but I used to have both of my nipples pierced. It took me about 2 years of walking up and down outside the piercing store before I finally got the guts to do the procedure. Then I kept getting thicker and thicker rings each year. There seemed to be some sub-conscious effort on my part to relive some cartoon character from Tom of Finland or Belasco. Anyway, finally I either got them too big one year or I just didn't treat them as well as I should have, but one of them got infected so I took them both out about 3 years ago. Plus, they actually made my titties sag when I wasn't excited and I didn't really like that look. But I missed them.

Well this year, last week in fact, a certain Republican was making an announcement on his birthday, I decided to make a statement of my own on mine. I actually wanted to do another tattoo but larger and more extensive than before, but that would have meant looking at or developing designs and consultations and a hell of a lot of miney. Instead I went back to Infinite Body Piercing and had my right nipple re-pierced but with a bar bell this time. Less weight and less fuss. I only hope that by the time I'm 70, my nipple won't hang by my belly button and be another shining example of my folly. Although, I already want something bigger and less safe, less child-like looking. I want something big. Big enough to let people call me Miss Jackson if they're nasty.